Hello,
I'm in the process of negotiating terms on a collaborative project. The collaboration is a body of photographic work which culminated in a book which has just been released. My collaborator and I were scheduled to begin printing large editions in the darkroom this week, projected to go on multiple nights/wk during the next 4 months- with a requirement that it be done in this time frame.
Long story short- we've been working together and romantically involved for 10 years-with much fulfillment on all fronts except- consistently unable to resolve some conflicts around living arrangements and security- turning this into a marriage- lots of power struggles with him saying "Get with the Program (his)", and me saying, "Can we make the program together?" There have been other attempts on both of our parts to start other relationships, but we always end up realizing we care most for one another. I knew he was very frustrated and unhappy with our limbo-ness- but prior to my going on a residency, he told me that he had seen some other women recently, but none of them were right for him and he wanted to be with me. He was very short tempered with me though, which I see was anger/frustration over not being able to get what he wanted in the relationship, but also not being able to individuate either. I held out hope that we could work through the conflict to a resolution that could meet our needs.
When I returned, he volunteered to pick me up at the airport, and as he dropped me at the curb he told me he was seeing someone- someone that he had told me previously that he wasn't interested in. After asking some more questions I learned that he was in a full on relationship with her. There are a lot of very painful details for me- such as, they traveled together to a special place- she's really wealthy and can devote time to him and resources- and he is now closed to me, no longer my friend and any discussion about what happened is off limits. He's made his choice and is firm with it.
You might say, I had it coming- but it still feels like a shock and a sudden change of lifestyle, and the loss/adjustment is extremely painful. I don't think I can work together with him right now- (I'm raw and kind of volatile). He doesn't want to do all the prints himself, but might do it if I pay all the expenses for the darkroom and supplies (thousands), and possibly lose some equity in the print sales. The prints are very large, and I am not confident working independently without him either. It's no fun and tiring and toxic after my day job. IMO, he made the choices that created this new difficult situation, and I don't want to take too much of the hit. I also feel protective- because he is an aggressive advocate for his own interests.
So I asked, at this point, what kind of arrangement is best for me emotionally and professionally? And I got 24.1.6 Returning to Stripping Away. Returning confuses me, because I think he means returning to my own center- but it could represent returning to the darkroom- and the lines are contradictory.
I'm wondering if I should have a limited involvement in the process, or just cut bait altogether- ask him to do the work, and negotiate over payment and losses.
I also did a reading for withdrawing entirely- in which I would pay most of the expenses but maintain full equity. I received 51.1.2 Shock to 40 Release.
I'm not worried about the prints ultimately, but might be a bad idea to let go of some kind of hand in them- I just think that it will be painful to work with him and terrible to work without him too. If anyone has any insight, or even a better way to pose the question, I would greatly appreciate.
I'm in the process of negotiating terms on a collaborative project. The collaboration is a body of photographic work which culminated in a book which has just been released. My collaborator and I were scheduled to begin printing large editions in the darkroom this week, projected to go on multiple nights/wk during the next 4 months- with a requirement that it be done in this time frame.
Long story short- we've been working together and romantically involved for 10 years-with much fulfillment on all fronts except- consistently unable to resolve some conflicts around living arrangements and security- turning this into a marriage- lots of power struggles with him saying "Get with the Program (his)", and me saying, "Can we make the program together?" There have been other attempts on both of our parts to start other relationships, but we always end up realizing we care most for one another. I knew he was very frustrated and unhappy with our limbo-ness- but prior to my going on a residency, he told me that he had seen some other women recently, but none of them were right for him and he wanted to be with me. He was very short tempered with me though, which I see was anger/frustration over not being able to get what he wanted in the relationship, but also not being able to individuate either. I held out hope that we could work through the conflict to a resolution that could meet our needs.
When I returned, he volunteered to pick me up at the airport, and as he dropped me at the curb he told me he was seeing someone- someone that he had told me previously that he wasn't interested in. After asking some more questions I learned that he was in a full on relationship with her. There are a lot of very painful details for me- such as, they traveled together to a special place- she's really wealthy and can devote time to him and resources- and he is now closed to me, no longer my friend and any discussion about what happened is off limits. He's made his choice and is firm with it.
You might say, I had it coming- but it still feels like a shock and a sudden change of lifestyle, and the loss/adjustment is extremely painful. I don't think I can work together with him right now- (I'm raw and kind of volatile). He doesn't want to do all the prints himself, but might do it if I pay all the expenses for the darkroom and supplies (thousands), and possibly lose some equity in the print sales. The prints are very large, and I am not confident working independently without him either. It's no fun and tiring and toxic after my day job. IMO, he made the choices that created this new difficult situation, and I don't want to take too much of the hit. I also feel protective- because he is an aggressive advocate for his own interests.
So I asked, at this point, what kind of arrangement is best for me emotionally and professionally? And I got 24.1.6 Returning to Stripping Away. Returning confuses me, because I think he means returning to my own center- but it could represent returning to the darkroom- and the lines are contradictory.
I'm wondering if I should have a limited involvement in the process, or just cut bait altogether- ask him to do the work, and negotiate over payment and losses.
I also did a reading for withdrawing entirely- in which I would pay most of the expenses but maintain full equity. I received 51.1.2 Shock to 40 Release.
I'm not worried about the prints ultimately, but might be a bad idea to let go of some kind of hand in them- I just think that it will be painful to work with him and terrible to work without him too. If anyone has any insight, or even a better way to pose the question, I would greatly appreciate.