Hello dear online clarity community:
I have a series of readings that have me scratching my head a bit. I'd really love your feedback if you have a moment. My respect in advance.
This last two months have been extra-stressful for me at work. I'm a speech pathologist and of the 5 speech pathologists (SLPs) at my work, my job is to provide services to preschoolers in 13 different classrooms scattered over the rural county. I've been told that mine is the most stressful of the five positions. Still, mine is my second-preferred role of the options, there is only one other role I would prefer day to day and it is part time. With large student loans over my head I couldn't do that job now. While I think I'd do great as a private -sector speech pathologist, I need to stay in the public service sector for another 5-6 years to have my federal loans forgiven by my loan servicer.
It's a rural county and no other public SLP positions are available, except for one at a grade school that I think might prove to be more stressful than the one I'm at. I'm passionate about my work, and a very hard worker, often to my own detriment. I am a person that has to work to think of my own needs. That's something that I continue to make incremental progress with. I see how it can be damaging, and I don't wear it as a badge of pride to be self sacrificing. There's part of the background for my readings.
I asked: what is the nature of my job?
Hexagram 35.4.6<2
Sounds pretty accurate, sharing gifts and scurrying, scurrying about.
I foolishly wished this fall that if I wasn't caring for myself properly, would my body please place limitations on me, possibly a minor illness would jar me into taking my own needs for space, breaks, etc more into consideration. I've been sick a record number of times this year, 5 since September. I'm currently in bed, supposed to be working over the vacation to make up precious missed days, don't know if I'll be able to( Mine is also the only position of the 5 SLP jobs with no " substitute" should I miss services).
The fall was harder than usual due to an extra project I took on. Keep in mind that I work for a school district and there is no hope for "promotion," and very little concern for firing. Doing outstanding work is not expected and not necessarily rewarded, but as my boyfriend puts it, it seems to be fundamental to who I am. It's really hard for me to " dial it back." Usually I meet with parents about 1x/ week. This one week in January, I met with parents 8x during the week on top of other meetings and my usual visits with kids. A parent was intoxicated and was pretty aggressive during a meeting, right afterwards I had an interaction with a new SLP who is quite young and had very little on the job experience where I snipped at her and it turned into an unfriendly conversation. Once I wasn't mad, I felt pretty bad about it. Shes new, and younger than me, so the power balance was in my favor. Not that I really think she's an " innocent," but I'm in a position to help her and that means building a relationship where both of us feel safe. I immediately checked with her mentor saying I had communicated poorly, could he please check on her. I talked to three other trusted colleagues, the response was that I come across as very in control and strong at work ( it's true, but the other part of the truth is that I'm quite sensitive, something they've all learned from working with me through the years). I wrote the gal i'd snipped at a very apologetic card, which she seems to have accepted. My boss and I talked about this and I explained that I knew I'd caused this gal harm, that I want this gal to be successful at work, I'm truly rooting for her success, aside from whatever other feelings I have about her.
I asked, "what are my strengths at this time?" Yi have an answer that I at first interpreted very negatively, probably in part to how frustrated and heavy I feel at this time.
Hexagram 23.2.6<7
Looks like maybe this response was actually specific to work. I don't recall ever getting 23 in years of consulting, directly pertaining to my self. Maybe this is about how my identity with work is being stripped away? Maybe this becomes less of me and how I define myself? Maybe I can choose whether I get a " hut" or a " cart" in all this?
I asked " how did I behave with new gal?" Answer:
Hexagram 56.3.5.6<45
I skillessly attempted to communicate with her when I was having strong feelings, in the moment I (line 3) thought I was doing the right thing, only to realize later that lines 5&6 were outcomes-I was feeling mistrustful of her actions and consequently created a scar in a new relationship where we have no context or much shared experiences together. While I'm far from perfect, and have been snippy before, it's quite uncommon for me. I pride myself on being kind. I'm going to keep practicing keeping my mouth shut when I'm having strong feelings, but this way of acting was sadly really influenced by stress of my work demands. I feel like a whirling dervish! It makes me so mad! There's a lot of good stuff about my job, but stress from overwork makes just about every area of my life harder.
I asked " what will make things easier at work?"
Hexagram 23.1<27
Don't keep living in my idealistic world where everyone is served and everyone has plenty. I need to also look at how I continually nourish myself at work. I started getting sick when I stopped leaving work on time, taking walks, making time to meditate and cook veggies in the evening because I was just too tired. I need to really think closely about where the rubber meets the road and where I can pare it down to basic needs for myself ( and possibly my teachers, families, and children?) I'm being super hard on myself and I think some of this is just out of my control. How about just being with this really strange feeling of groundlessness (as is noted for this line in wikiwing)??
What will help me most right now?
Hexagram 23.6<2
Hope for new inspiration and beginning? That I won't feel this sick or down about work forever? New moments await?!
I asked "What can I do differently at work to feel good there this week? ( On my vacation, grrr)?
Hexagram 23.4<35
Split apart from my own sad story, think of other people that also have troubles at work? Think about what I have to give (35) even in a situation of stripping (23)?
Focus on a bigger picture, as LiSe implies for this line? Maybe even think about ways to communicate with my boss to make next year a little easier? Or, maybe, this feels right, maybe I need to focus on doing the least damage possible to myself at my job??
Finally I asked "what will benefit me most at work?"
Yi answered full circle and I decided it was time to stop asking questions. Right back to the beginning with
Hexagram 35.4.6<2
-which sounds an awful lot like the work I do, sharing the benefits of my specialized training with others, and supporting families, teachers, students. I'm in my car often and go to multiple centers in day. My boyfriend and a colleague who's been at work forever both say " I don't know how you do it", with all the work and relationship building ( I'm an introvert who only seems extroverted). Really, I don't see anything to be too proud of, being like a 5-skills squirrel. Similarly, putting my all (6) into my job seems to be causing me harm. So I'm still scratching my head that while 35 to 2 sounds like what I do, lines 4&6 sound like how I do it, and that doesn't sound positive or useful, yet it's what yi is pointing me back to.
What does anyone, please, make of any or all this? Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
I have a series of readings that have me scratching my head a bit. I'd really love your feedback if you have a moment. My respect in advance.
This last two months have been extra-stressful for me at work. I'm a speech pathologist and of the 5 speech pathologists (SLPs) at my work, my job is to provide services to preschoolers in 13 different classrooms scattered over the rural county. I've been told that mine is the most stressful of the five positions. Still, mine is my second-preferred role of the options, there is only one other role I would prefer day to day and it is part time. With large student loans over my head I couldn't do that job now. While I think I'd do great as a private -sector speech pathologist, I need to stay in the public service sector for another 5-6 years to have my federal loans forgiven by my loan servicer.
It's a rural county and no other public SLP positions are available, except for one at a grade school that I think might prove to be more stressful than the one I'm at. I'm passionate about my work, and a very hard worker, often to my own detriment. I am a person that has to work to think of my own needs. That's something that I continue to make incremental progress with. I see how it can be damaging, and I don't wear it as a badge of pride to be self sacrificing. There's part of the background for my readings.
I asked: what is the nature of my job?
Hexagram 35.4.6<2
Sounds pretty accurate, sharing gifts and scurrying, scurrying about.
I foolishly wished this fall that if I wasn't caring for myself properly, would my body please place limitations on me, possibly a minor illness would jar me into taking my own needs for space, breaks, etc more into consideration. I've been sick a record number of times this year, 5 since September. I'm currently in bed, supposed to be working over the vacation to make up precious missed days, don't know if I'll be able to( Mine is also the only position of the 5 SLP jobs with no " substitute" should I miss services).
The fall was harder than usual due to an extra project I took on. Keep in mind that I work for a school district and there is no hope for "promotion," and very little concern for firing. Doing outstanding work is not expected and not necessarily rewarded, but as my boyfriend puts it, it seems to be fundamental to who I am. It's really hard for me to " dial it back." Usually I meet with parents about 1x/ week. This one week in January, I met with parents 8x during the week on top of other meetings and my usual visits with kids. A parent was intoxicated and was pretty aggressive during a meeting, right afterwards I had an interaction with a new SLP who is quite young and had very little on the job experience where I snipped at her and it turned into an unfriendly conversation. Once I wasn't mad, I felt pretty bad about it. Shes new, and younger than me, so the power balance was in my favor. Not that I really think she's an " innocent," but I'm in a position to help her and that means building a relationship where both of us feel safe. I immediately checked with her mentor saying I had communicated poorly, could he please check on her. I talked to three other trusted colleagues, the response was that I come across as very in control and strong at work ( it's true, but the other part of the truth is that I'm quite sensitive, something they've all learned from working with me through the years). I wrote the gal i'd snipped at a very apologetic card, which she seems to have accepted. My boss and I talked about this and I explained that I knew I'd caused this gal harm, that I want this gal to be successful at work, I'm truly rooting for her success, aside from whatever other feelings I have about her.
I asked, "what are my strengths at this time?" Yi have an answer that I at first interpreted very negatively, probably in part to how frustrated and heavy I feel at this time.
Hexagram 23.2.6<7
Looks like maybe this response was actually specific to work. I don't recall ever getting 23 in years of consulting, directly pertaining to my self. Maybe this is about how my identity with work is being stripped away? Maybe this becomes less of me and how I define myself? Maybe I can choose whether I get a " hut" or a " cart" in all this?
I asked " how did I behave with new gal?" Answer:
Hexagram 56.3.5.6<45
I skillessly attempted to communicate with her when I was having strong feelings, in the moment I (line 3) thought I was doing the right thing, only to realize later that lines 5&6 were outcomes-I was feeling mistrustful of her actions and consequently created a scar in a new relationship where we have no context or much shared experiences together. While I'm far from perfect, and have been snippy before, it's quite uncommon for me. I pride myself on being kind. I'm going to keep practicing keeping my mouth shut when I'm having strong feelings, but this way of acting was sadly really influenced by stress of my work demands. I feel like a whirling dervish! It makes me so mad! There's a lot of good stuff about my job, but stress from overwork makes just about every area of my life harder.
I asked " what will make things easier at work?"
Hexagram 23.1<27
Don't keep living in my idealistic world where everyone is served and everyone has plenty. I need to also look at how I continually nourish myself at work. I started getting sick when I stopped leaving work on time, taking walks, making time to meditate and cook veggies in the evening because I was just too tired. I need to really think closely about where the rubber meets the road and where I can pare it down to basic needs for myself ( and possibly my teachers, families, and children?) I'm being super hard on myself and I think some of this is just out of my control. How about just being with this really strange feeling of groundlessness (as is noted for this line in wikiwing)??
What will help me most right now?
Hexagram 23.6<2
Hope for new inspiration and beginning? That I won't feel this sick or down about work forever? New moments await?!
I asked "What can I do differently at work to feel good there this week? ( On my vacation, grrr)?
Hexagram 23.4<35
Split apart from my own sad story, think of other people that also have troubles at work? Think about what I have to give (35) even in a situation of stripping (23)?
Focus on a bigger picture, as LiSe implies for this line? Maybe even think about ways to communicate with my boss to make next year a little easier? Or, maybe, this feels right, maybe I need to focus on doing the least damage possible to myself at my job??
Finally I asked "what will benefit me most at work?"
Yi answered full circle and I decided it was time to stop asking questions. Right back to the beginning with
Hexagram 35.4.6<2
-which sounds an awful lot like the work I do, sharing the benefits of my specialized training with others, and supporting families, teachers, students. I'm in my car often and go to multiple centers in day. My boyfriend and a colleague who's been at work forever both say " I don't know how you do it", with all the work and relationship building ( I'm an introvert who only seems extroverted). Really, I don't see anything to be too proud of, being like a 5-skills squirrel. Similarly, putting my all (6) into my job seems to be causing me harm. So I'm still scratching my head that while 35 to 2 sounds like what I do, lines 4&6 sound like how I do it, and that doesn't sound positive or useful, yet it's what yi is pointing me back to.
What does anyone, please, make of any or all this? Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.