Hi all,
I'm back again with another complicated relationship question. Ugh. It has been a really exhausting spring. I'm not really sure why anyone I ever had a flirtation or couple of dates with has suddenly come out of the woodworks, but they are pretty much all out in full force messing with my head. lol
Anyway, this one is a tough one. He is a friend who I see occasionally out at events. We have a lot of the same friends and sort of run in the same circles. I've known him for a couple of years but don't see him that often. A few months back we had a drunken make-out session. We exchanged numbers after that, and a few days later I asked him if he wanted to hang out. Then we texted on and of for a couple of weeks and the meet-up never materialized. After a month he also sent me a really weird text saying that he thought we should hang out but just as friends. I was like yeah, we are friends so.. of course we can hang out as friends. It was perplexing bc the text came out of nowhere after we hadn't spoken for like 10 days. Anyway, I just took the whole interaction to mean that he wasn't that interested in me and chalked it up to drunkenness, although I was fairly annoyed bc I do feel like he initiated the whole thing. And friends corroborated that he was sort of following me around all night. It was kind of confusing.
Fast forward to a few months later, I ran into him at an event that we were both involved in. It was a benefit art show that we both had work in. Anyway, at this point I was totally over the thing so just happy to say hi and chat with him a bit. We were friendly, but of course I was also talking to other people all night. Funny enough I was talking to a really cute guy for a little, and then was kind of circling around in a weird way. There again, very perplexing behavior imo. Then I decided to go home without really chatting with him more (wasn't really thinking of it). But as I was leaving I ran into my neighbor outside of a bar, and he asks me if I want to get one more drink as some of our friends are inside. So I go in, and there are like 8 of our friends sitting at a table. By this point, the guy in question was really drunk. And all of the sudden he is basically trying to climb over someone to get to me and pawing at me and touching my hand and saying my name over and over! Ahhhh! He apologized for not being in contact before, and told me the reason was because he has a girlfriend! :duh: Ugh. That explained so much!
But here is what I did that I should not have. I made out with him again. And this is terrible but the reason was, because I was so upset about my last break-up (this was a few days later) that I just thought it would make me feel better. And it did! For a while.. But since then I got kind of tangled up with this guy in a weird way that he was perpetuating. We never slept together or anything like that, but somehow I got roped into doing some design work for him. Then somehow he ended up with my hat.. then one of my shirts. Then he owed me a drawing in return for the design work. I feel like he kept coming up with reasons to see me. And there would be some kissing and cuddling but mostly just talking but really intense talking and hanging out. And he kept inviting me to stuff... I declined. And I kept trying to make the hang out sessions more of a group thing.. inviting other people, etc. But then somehow it would always end up just me and him. And obviously I was participating in this and/or playing along with it too. But in the process I got to know him a lot more, and I've developed some feelings for him which really sucks. And he did spend the night one night, which there again there was no sex but just a lot of intimacy.
I really feel like he has feelings for me too, but he says he plans to stay with this girl he is seeing. To make matters weirder, one of the reasons I didn't feel super guilty about hanging out with him despite the girlfriend is bc of the backstory there. Which is just that the two of them dated for about 7 or 8 months, then were on a 2-3 month break and just recently got back together like 2 months ago. And the reason they broke up to begin with is, because she is a recovering alcoholic, and her sponsor said they needed to break up bc he drinks too much!
Soooo, their relationship sounds kind of tumultuous and fraught, but I came to a conclusion the other day that I still really think I shouldn't mess with it. Because I have no idea the reality of it since I'm not in it, and I'm no one to judge. So we met up again for him to return my shirt and so he could give me the drawing. And of course it turns into an all night hangout, very intimate and date-like but without any hooking up bc we both agreed that it isn't right.
But I feel really close to him now and still upset about the whole thing. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I ended up getting upset towards the end of that night. I kicked him out of my house, and when he asked when he'd see me again I said "at some point." lol Then he asked what if I don't like that drawing, and I said that I'd just put it in a drawer and not hang it up if I don't like it hahaha. I was kind of mean, but maybe he needs it?
He admitted to everything. To perpetuating things and to being confusing and to starting the whole thing. He apologized quite a bit. I think he feels pretty bad about it. So I don't think I should totally cut him out or anything, but I do think we need to stay away from each other or at least avoid spending time alone for awhile.
I do really like him though. And I feel a strong connection with him. And I think he has feelings for me. But I just wonder if anything will come of them. We talked really extensively about everything, and I told him that I think there is something lacking in that other relationship since he is actively seeking me out and that he should really think about it and that he should also think about how and why he did what he did and what it is really doing to her if he doesn't really love her. Which, he told me he did not. Which makes no sense to me. Why would you seek out a difficult relationship like that if you are not in love??
Anyway, I've asked too many questions of course. But I'm muddling through the answers. Sometimes I chatter with the IChing for a long time. I used to think it wasn't very healthy but have started to realize that I get similar answers over and over, and sometimes I need to keep hearing them in a different form before I figure them out.
So last night I asked why he perpetuated a relationship with me and got 32.1.2. I asked if he has feelings for me and got 58 unchanging. I also asked "What are the chances we will end up together?" and got 37 unchanging. 37 sounds promising, but I wonder if it's just about him being correct with the girlfriend...
I don't know I'm not holding my breath but just wonder if the connection I feel is as strong as I think it is or if this is just another blip on the relationship highway..
I appreciate any insights you guys may have.
:bows:
I'm back again with another complicated relationship question. Ugh. It has been a really exhausting spring. I'm not really sure why anyone I ever had a flirtation or couple of dates with has suddenly come out of the woodworks, but they are pretty much all out in full force messing with my head. lol
Anyway, this one is a tough one. He is a friend who I see occasionally out at events. We have a lot of the same friends and sort of run in the same circles. I've known him for a couple of years but don't see him that often. A few months back we had a drunken make-out session. We exchanged numbers after that, and a few days later I asked him if he wanted to hang out. Then we texted on and of for a couple of weeks and the meet-up never materialized. After a month he also sent me a really weird text saying that he thought we should hang out but just as friends. I was like yeah, we are friends so.. of course we can hang out as friends. It was perplexing bc the text came out of nowhere after we hadn't spoken for like 10 days. Anyway, I just took the whole interaction to mean that he wasn't that interested in me and chalked it up to drunkenness, although I was fairly annoyed bc I do feel like he initiated the whole thing. And friends corroborated that he was sort of following me around all night. It was kind of confusing.
Fast forward to a few months later, I ran into him at an event that we were both involved in. It was a benefit art show that we both had work in. Anyway, at this point I was totally over the thing so just happy to say hi and chat with him a bit. We were friendly, but of course I was also talking to other people all night. Funny enough I was talking to a really cute guy for a little, and then was kind of circling around in a weird way. There again, very perplexing behavior imo. Then I decided to go home without really chatting with him more (wasn't really thinking of it). But as I was leaving I ran into my neighbor outside of a bar, and he asks me if I want to get one more drink as some of our friends are inside. So I go in, and there are like 8 of our friends sitting at a table. By this point, the guy in question was really drunk. And all of the sudden he is basically trying to climb over someone to get to me and pawing at me and touching my hand and saying my name over and over! Ahhhh! He apologized for not being in contact before, and told me the reason was because he has a girlfriend! :duh: Ugh. That explained so much!
But here is what I did that I should not have. I made out with him again. And this is terrible but the reason was, because I was so upset about my last break-up (this was a few days later) that I just thought it would make me feel better. And it did! For a while.. But since then I got kind of tangled up with this guy in a weird way that he was perpetuating. We never slept together or anything like that, but somehow I got roped into doing some design work for him. Then somehow he ended up with my hat.. then one of my shirts. Then he owed me a drawing in return for the design work. I feel like he kept coming up with reasons to see me. And there would be some kissing and cuddling but mostly just talking but really intense talking and hanging out. And he kept inviting me to stuff... I declined. And I kept trying to make the hang out sessions more of a group thing.. inviting other people, etc. But then somehow it would always end up just me and him. And obviously I was participating in this and/or playing along with it too. But in the process I got to know him a lot more, and I've developed some feelings for him which really sucks. And he did spend the night one night, which there again there was no sex but just a lot of intimacy.
I really feel like he has feelings for me too, but he says he plans to stay with this girl he is seeing. To make matters weirder, one of the reasons I didn't feel super guilty about hanging out with him despite the girlfriend is bc of the backstory there. Which is just that the two of them dated for about 7 or 8 months, then were on a 2-3 month break and just recently got back together like 2 months ago. And the reason they broke up to begin with is, because she is a recovering alcoholic, and her sponsor said they needed to break up bc he drinks too much!
Soooo, their relationship sounds kind of tumultuous and fraught, but I came to a conclusion the other day that I still really think I shouldn't mess with it. Because I have no idea the reality of it since I'm not in it, and I'm no one to judge. So we met up again for him to return my shirt and so he could give me the drawing. And of course it turns into an all night hangout, very intimate and date-like but without any hooking up bc we both agreed that it isn't right.
But I feel really close to him now and still upset about the whole thing. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I ended up getting upset towards the end of that night. I kicked him out of my house, and when he asked when he'd see me again I said "at some point." lol Then he asked what if I don't like that drawing, and I said that I'd just put it in a drawer and not hang it up if I don't like it hahaha. I was kind of mean, but maybe he needs it?
He admitted to everything. To perpetuating things and to being confusing and to starting the whole thing. He apologized quite a bit. I think he feels pretty bad about it. So I don't think I should totally cut him out or anything, but I do think we need to stay away from each other or at least avoid spending time alone for awhile.
I do really like him though. And I feel a strong connection with him. And I think he has feelings for me. But I just wonder if anything will come of them. We talked really extensively about everything, and I told him that I think there is something lacking in that other relationship since he is actively seeking me out and that he should really think about it and that he should also think about how and why he did what he did and what it is really doing to her if he doesn't really love her. Which, he told me he did not. Which makes no sense to me. Why would you seek out a difficult relationship like that if you are not in love??
Anyway, I've asked too many questions of course. But I'm muddling through the answers. Sometimes I chatter with the IChing for a long time. I used to think it wasn't very healthy but have started to realize that I get similar answers over and over, and sometimes I need to keep hearing them in a different form before I figure them out.
So last night I asked why he perpetuated a relationship with me and got 32.1.2. I asked if he has feelings for me and got 58 unchanging. I also asked "What are the chances we will end up together?" and got 37 unchanging. 37 sounds promising, but I wonder if it's just about him being correct with the girlfriend...
I don't know I'm not holding my breath but just wonder if the connection I feel is as strong as I think it is or if this is just another blip on the relationship highway..
I appreciate any insights you guys may have.
:bows: