I had dinner last night with a former teacher of mine, someone I somewhat idolised when I was a young man, but whom I've seen less of in the 18 or so years since. In fact, it has been some years since we saw each other at all, maybe 2. I find her a difficult but compelling person - charismatic, brilliant, eccentric, colourful, filled with stories and observations, but always in need of flattery. Sometimes I find myself pulling back from our encounters - saying something tactless, or going quiet - because she needs so much attention, especially from former students. I almost feel like I'm being asked to be 18 again: not to have a view and voice of my own. So basically my feelings towards her are mixed: admiration, affection, but also nervousness and a touch of distrust.
But actually, when I saw her last night - she'd invited me to a dinner party - I felt the roles were reversed. I suddenly felt really warmly towards her; she's a bit older now, and she seemed a bit warmer, more open, slightly less extreme in her manner. In fact, I found myself holding forth a bit more in our conversation, offering responses to what she said which were much more confident and - to my ears anyway - more interesting than what I normally say. But about two thirds of the way through the evening, I had this very strong feeling that she wasn't enjoying herself, that she was pulling back from our conversation and talking more to other people (there were several guests). Her goodbye to me was warm, but not that warm, nothing like our former meetings. I came home feeling strangely like I'd failed in some way.
I guess, even as I write this account, I can see this is really all about me, not her! But I did ask the Yi, How did Y feel about me last night?
I got the reply: hexagram 44 changing lines 3 and 6, changing to 47.
I wondered if anyone had any thoughts.
But actually, when I saw her last night - she'd invited me to a dinner party - I felt the roles were reversed. I suddenly felt really warmly towards her; she's a bit older now, and she seemed a bit warmer, more open, slightly less extreme in her manner. In fact, I found myself holding forth a bit more in our conversation, offering responses to what she said which were much more confident and - to my ears anyway - more interesting than what I normally say. But about two thirds of the way through the evening, I had this very strong feeling that she wasn't enjoying herself, that she was pulling back from our conversation and talking more to other people (there were several guests). Her goodbye to me was warm, but not that warm, nothing like our former meetings. I came home feeling strangely like I'd failed in some way.
I guess, even as I write this account, I can see this is really all about me, not her! But I did ask the Yi, How did Y feel about me last night?
I got the reply: hexagram 44 changing lines 3 and 6, changing to 47.
I wondered if anyone had any thoughts.