Dear all,
I am going through the loneliest period of my life - so lonely it's making me feel emotionally and physically drained. I left a career that wasn't good for me, a relationship that wasn't right didn't pan out, and meanwhile the life of my housemate - a good friend - has moved on, as she has embraced AA (great for her, but it also means she has stopped cooking, which she associates with drinking and which we used to share, and is spending more time out in the evenings). She has also got a new job and is socialising a lot with colleagues and putting down roots in her new workplace, so spending less time in the house. Basically, she's in the process of giving her life a makeover.
Part of me is hurt, but I actually don't want to be overdependent on my housemate. I think it's important I have a wider circle of acquaintances and friends in the city where we both live. I've been trying recently to make new friends but during the summer things are slow - people go away, there are weddings, weekends off, another new friend is in the midst of a complex house move, etc. It's just a very slow patch.
As it happens, I have also been going to a therapist. I realised that a lot of my relationships were unbalanced or not making me happy, and in particular, one relationship, my closest next to my housemate, has blown up. We had a serious row about something close to my heart during which awful things were said, the culmination of a lot of issues and difficulties. But I felt the need to stand my ground and assert myself - something I feel I have not done in my relationships in the past.
This is why I don't want to act on the impulse to reach out to people at this time, even though as I say loneliness is becoming a real problem/sensation. Many of my relationships, I feel, have been based on dependency and proximity, warding off loneliness. I want to approach new people in a new way, once I have worked through some more of these questions and issues. But then sometimes, when feeling low, I think loneliness IS the issue and I should show more initiative and get out there! This problem can feed on itself.
Instead of seeing people in the evenings, or repeatedly asking people who aren't available, I've been going for long, long walks, listening to podcasts, just drifting along. It's lonely but also, as I slowly work through all the problems I have had in the last few years, it's weirdly meditative.
I have asked the Yi for insight and advice, and Id be grateful for your thoughts about these readings.
What has been troubling me emotionally recently? Hex 33.6 to 31.
What do I need to understand about my current solitude? Hex 8.
Where is this period of solitude leading me, if I continue to approach it as I am? Hex 40.4 to 7.
Thanks for your thoughts. Any insights are very much appreciated.
Gael
I am going through the loneliest period of my life - so lonely it's making me feel emotionally and physically drained. I left a career that wasn't good for me, a relationship that wasn't right didn't pan out, and meanwhile the life of my housemate - a good friend - has moved on, as she has embraced AA (great for her, but it also means she has stopped cooking, which she associates with drinking and which we used to share, and is spending more time out in the evenings). She has also got a new job and is socialising a lot with colleagues and putting down roots in her new workplace, so spending less time in the house. Basically, she's in the process of giving her life a makeover.
Part of me is hurt, but I actually don't want to be overdependent on my housemate. I think it's important I have a wider circle of acquaintances and friends in the city where we both live. I've been trying recently to make new friends but during the summer things are slow - people go away, there are weddings, weekends off, another new friend is in the midst of a complex house move, etc. It's just a very slow patch.
As it happens, I have also been going to a therapist. I realised that a lot of my relationships were unbalanced or not making me happy, and in particular, one relationship, my closest next to my housemate, has blown up. We had a serious row about something close to my heart during which awful things were said, the culmination of a lot of issues and difficulties. But I felt the need to stand my ground and assert myself - something I feel I have not done in my relationships in the past.
This is why I don't want to act on the impulse to reach out to people at this time, even though as I say loneliness is becoming a real problem/sensation. Many of my relationships, I feel, have been based on dependency and proximity, warding off loneliness. I want to approach new people in a new way, once I have worked through some more of these questions and issues. But then sometimes, when feeling low, I think loneliness IS the issue and I should show more initiative and get out there! This problem can feed on itself.
Instead of seeing people in the evenings, or repeatedly asking people who aren't available, I've been going for long, long walks, listening to podcasts, just drifting along. It's lonely but also, as I slowly work through all the problems I have had in the last few years, it's weirdly meditative.
I have asked the Yi for insight and advice, and Id be grateful for your thoughts about these readings.
What has been troubling me emotionally recently? Hex 33.6 to 31.
What do I need to understand about my current solitude? Hex 8.
Where is this period of solitude leading me, if I continue to approach it as I am? Hex 40.4 to 7.
Thanks for your thoughts. Any insights are very much appreciated.
Gael