60,5 A dfferent kind of limitation.

Several months ago whilst talking with an old friend, Neil, I realised that his commitment to his marriage had somewhat reduced. He and his wife were now sharing different friends and spending less and less time together. Neil had a friend, Paul, who had never hit it off with Angela, Neil’s wife, and was always leading Neil towards a single-man lifestyle. Paul was influencing Neil’s lifestyle choices more and more and I asked Neil if Paul was influencing him against Angela. Neil denied this vehemently and I accepted his answer but then he added that he and Paul never even discussed Angela and I immediately found this very, very difficult to believe. I did not want to interfere further so I simply withdrew from the issue. Months went by without change. I maintained my reservations regarding Paul’s involvement but then, following another conversation with Neil, I began to have doubts about my assumption. I decided to undertake the following reading:

Q: Should I accept that Neil is telling me the truth in that Paul did not influence him with regards to his relationship with Angela? 60,5>1

Wilhelm (5th Yang) Sweet limitation brings good fortune. Going brings esteem.
Lesser Image Text: The good fortune of sweet limitation comes from remaining central in one’s place.

An initial approach to this answer might be to consider which aspect of this situation is being limited. My intention had been to possibly limit Paul’s involvement in Neil and Angela’s relationship but I had withdrawn and applied limitation instead to myself in that I had restrained this intention and simply maintained a balanced position of centrality (as described in the Lesser Image Text) - aware of Paul’s likely involvement but taking no action in this regard. The biggest problem I faced lay in recognising this as an actual process of limitation - such had been its duration and acceptance within my outlook it had become “sweet” and was hardly seen as a form of restriction. This is a form of limitation that is not applied forcefully to others but is gently and smoothly integrated within oneself to the point where it commands respect without ever asking for respect, it is, as Bradford Hatcher describes, “good natured and easy to live with.”

So the I Ching was urging me to maintain my position of balanced reserve regarding Paul’s possible involvement but where did this leave me regarding Neil’s fading marriage? It left me in a position of having to accept a wider perspective. Yes, possibly any manipulative influence by Paul could eventually become self-evident to Neill, prompting him to take steps to save his marriage; or possibly it could prove to be correct and appropriate that Neil and his wife DO separate and follow their individual paths. I think this could well be a case of withholding help in order not to destroy the greater good.