Are you absolutely sick of me asking and posting about my job? Me too. That's why I decided to ask the question to end all questions about this place. It's the time of year again where my work day becomes frenzied and intolerable. I spend hours, days, weeks on the brink of a stress induced outburst or breakdown. I haven't felt much movement in terms of finding something new. I don't want just another job I don't care about, but I've never really known what exists in the real world of financially stable careers that I would even want to do (that doesn't require even more debt in degrees).
So I've reached the point of giving up/surrendering. A sort of "give it up to God" approach. I asked the oracle: For what reason am I still at this job? I need to know so I can let go. My intention behind the question is to be told some higher purpose. From the paranoid, am I going to need this health insurance and I just don't know it yet? To the hopeful you're going to make a lot of money this summer, enough to gather and change your circumstances. PLEASE just give me something. 18.6 > 46.
It's interesting because my reading for what to contemplate this week was 46uc and I haven't had much time at all to really even think about it. And now I'm wondering what this reading is telling me. I relate to 18.6 in that I have always been first and foremost concerned with my internal growth and potential. It is like a calling that I used to think everyone felt. But I get angry and resentful that I HAVE to participate in a job like this to get by when my friends and family so easily accept that that is the way things are. I feel immature even though I continue to strive and strain and do what is necessary at this time. I need intrinsic motivation to do almost anything at all. But that's why I'm confused. I'm already this kind of person. Is that the answer? I'm stuck in jobs like this because my focus isn't on moving up and out of them? I am a leader but not interested in promotions to figurehead positions. I'm always worried that if I apply to move up that I will be even more stuck in something I don't want to be a part of in the first place. It's not just this job. I've felt this way at every job.
edit to add: I think my biggest fear here is that I might be being told that this is the way things are and to pursue my "higher" goals and live with this reality at the same time. But I did say if I got an answer then I would try to surrender to it.
As always, your input is mulled over and appreciated it.
So I've reached the point of giving up/surrendering. A sort of "give it up to God" approach. I asked the oracle: For what reason am I still at this job? I need to know so I can let go. My intention behind the question is to be told some higher purpose. From the paranoid, am I going to need this health insurance and I just don't know it yet? To the hopeful you're going to make a lot of money this summer, enough to gather and change your circumstances. PLEASE just give me something. 18.6 > 46.
It's interesting because my reading for what to contemplate this week was 46uc and I haven't had much time at all to really even think about it. And now I'm wondering what this reading is telling me. I relate to 18.6 in that I have always been first and foremost concerned with my internal growth and potential. It is like a calling that I used to think everyone felt. But I get angry and resentful that I HAVE to participate in a job like this to get by when my friends and family so easily accept that that is the way things are. I feel immature even though I continue to strive and strain and do what is necessary at this time. I need intrinsic motivation to do almost anything at all. But that's why I'm confused. I'm already this kind of person. Is that the answer? I'm stuck in jobs like this because my focus isn't on moving up and out of them? I am a leader but not interested in promotions to figurehead positions. I'm always worried that if I apply to move up that I will be even more stuck in something I don't want to be a part of in the first place. It's not just this job. I've felt this way at every job.
edit to add: I think my biggest fear here is that I might be being told that this is the way things are and to pursue my "higher" goals and live with this reality at the same time. But I did say if I got an answer then I would try to surrender to it.
As always, your input is mulled over and appreciated it.