Why do I feel apprehensive 24.4 to 51

Dear forum,

I was wondering why I feel so apprehensive about seeing my friend tomorrow. I got 24.4 -> 51 regarding my feelings, which I don’t understand. Here’s some background. He’s married, but I’ve only ever wanted to be friends with him anyway. He’s a rare person who I’ve had a rare connection with. He’s been pushing me away and when I asked him why he talked about his committment to his wife and family. I support that, I miss the friendship but understand the need to push me away. What I don’t understand are my feelings. I always feel apprehensive around him even though he’s consistently sweet and nice. I don’t take the distance between us personally, nor think that I did anything wrong except occasionally try to hang out again. This has been going on for too long. Our relationship is exactly as it should be, friendly but distant. I want to feel normal around him because I see him every work day. I’d be kind of relieved if one of us could move so that I wouldn’t have to see him everyday. I’d miss him, but I’m tired of feeling apprehension.

I think the reading is saying that I’ll return to feeling centered and like myself again (24), that I’ll be successful at letting this whole thing go (line 4 talks about being centered and alone). It’s saying that the process of letting go is a bit jarring (51).

Usually when I ask the forum wiser heads see something different and more insightful and I’d like to know what helpful advice is in this reading that I’m missing.

Best,
Anyah