Heartbreak and hexagram 24

I’m enduring the breakup of my relationship with my fiancé. The only man I've ever been engaged to or wanted to marry. The short version is I repeated some old patterns of mine (being negative, needing validation, being controlling, etc) which I am currently in therapy to heal. I discovered he'd been lying to me about his use of porn over our entire relationship. To make matters worse, he contracted an STD and fed me some story about how he got it, that he did not cheat on me :confused::confused: . The breakup has been excruciating and shattering. I really adored this man. Yet he would not take or see his responsibility in all this. Somehow it all became about my behaviors. He was what I wanted until things slowly came to light of who he really is. It’s all so shocking. I’ve been so confused. I’ve cried, I’ve screamed. I feel like I'm going mental. Aside from therapy, I talk with a couple close people. I’m on an anti-depressant. But it’s so very hard. I can only keep myself busy so much. There’s all this lag time where my mind starts whirling and I get so upset again and again. Not to mention always seeing reminders of him. We had plans for our life together. I thought he was the one. He said he lied because he did not want to lose me. But he lost me anyway in the end. I’m not far away enough from it to see things clear yet. It’s only been a week. This is the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking to one another. It makes me question everything. Did he really love me? Why did he do this? Is there really any other way he could have contracted this illness? Etc etc etc. My heart hurts and I’m tired.

I consulted the iching many times about our relationship and finally asked today “Father God what is the best way that I need to handle this?”
I flipped the coins on my own and got hexagram 24.

‘Returning, creating success.
Going out, coming in, without haste.
A partner comes, not a mistake.
Turning around and returning on your path.
The seventh day comes, you return.
Harvest in having a direction to go.’

I guess this means returning to my path, returning to myself. It’s such drudgery to do this.
I wish it were more comforting than that.

Anyone else have thoughts on this? :weep: The pain is often unbearable.