Hello all!
I rarely post something to the forum actually this might just be the second thread I start. It is related to a long lasting relationship. It officially ended due to the other party's initiative but was decaying for a long time already. The time that passed since then (more than half a year) has been healing for both of us, but also contact was far from abundant-something I feel disappointed about. I feel much of a bond I am trying to temper down my need of contact and let go of it as Yi has been advising me to do for a long time already (along with other entities - family, friends). I nevertheless feel committed and mostly interpret the requirement of letting go as one of letting go of expectations and and a need to put pressure on the other party, not the commitment itself - this is hard to separate but I feel working on it has been quite productive and enriching and so I embrace this advice although its not easy to cope -working on it :) . I believe that the other party has some capacity left for a mutual future but it's time and shape are yet to be determined. Even though I feel anxious inside I try to limit my contacts and pressure to a required minimum due to my efforts at tempering my hastiness and inner emotional fire as well as from a position of respect for the other person's healing space. Once in a while I consult Yi asking if it is a right time to make some symbolic step forward - a casual talk, flick invitation etc. Usual responses have been disencouraging calling on me to hold my temper or even letting me know that letting go totally might be the better option. Today I got a phone call with a request for a talk/meeting. This is in regard to family issues but also "our" situation will most likely move into the picture at some point. Still I am aware it is not my place to force such a topic and abuse it when it appears. And so I asked Yi how should I act for mutual benefit (in the sense of the benefit for our relation, not particular parties - obviously this sounds preasumptious that a relation is best for us but some kind of relation will remain since we have several mutual things in our lives and do not hate or dislike one another). Got 8 unchanging. Reassessed myself and feel fully committed despite being aware of many sacrifices that might be required from me (the relationship was turbulent throughout all its history) or loss I might suffer. Ready to wait, and drop expectations of a confirmation or commitment declaration from the other party. So I feel my stance is stubborn but clean and nothing ill-minded or hesitant remains at its core. Still, thought to ask again as Yi advised in 8. So I ask again this time about the other person - "Are they sure <about us> ?" I get 43.3.4 > 60. And so there is the question that has been bothering me often when asking about other peoples' positions/feelings and I find most adequate here as line 3 contains reference to a two-party chase. Who would Yi most likely be referring to ? Normally it'd be obvious for me who is the pursuer and who is being pursued, but since here I'm asking about another person it gets a bit messed up since both of us are pursing something at the moment and neither of the pursued values needs to represent the other person in my view. What's your take on asking about other people and such relative answers?
I rarely post something to the forum actually this might just be the second thread I start. It is related to a long lasting relationship. It officially ended due to the other party's initiative but was decaying for a long time already. The time that passed since then (more than half a year) has been healing for both of us, but also contact was far from abundant-something I feel disappointed about. I feel much of a bond I am trying to temper down my need of contact and let go of it as Yi has been advising me to do for a long time already (along with other entities - family, friends). I nevertheless feel committed and mostly interpret the requirement of letting go as one of letting go of expectations and and a need to put pressure on the other party, not the commitment itself - this is hard to separate but I feel working on it has been quite productive and enriching and so I embrace this advice although its not easy to cope -working on it :) . I believe that the other party has some capacity left for a mutual future but it's time and shape are yet to be determined. Even though I feel anxious inside I try to limit my contacts and pressure to a required minimum due to my efforts at tempering my hastiness and inner emotional fire as well as from a position of respect for the other person's healing space. Once in a while I consult Yi asking if it is a right time to make some symbolic step forward - a casual talk, flick invitation etc. Usual responses have been disencouraging calling on me to hold my temper or even letting me know that letting go totally might be the better option. Today I got a phone call with a request for a talk/meeting. This is in regard to family issues but also "our" situation will most likely move into the picture at some point. Still I am aware it is not my place to force such a topic and abuse it when it appears. And so I asked Yi how should I act for mutual benefit (in the sense of the benefit for our relation, not particular parties - obviously this sounds preasumptious that a relation is best for us but some kind of relation will remain since we have several mutual things in our lives and do not hate or dislike one another). Got 8 unchanging. Reassessed myself and feel fully committed despite being aware of many sacrifices that might be required from me (the relationship was turbulent throughout all its history) or loss I might suffer. Ready to wait, and drop expectations of a confirmation or commitment declaration from the other party. So I feel my stance is stubborn but clean and nothing ill-minded or hesitant remains at its core. Still, thought to ask again as Yi advised in 8. So I ask again this time about the other person - "Are they sure <about us> ?" I get 43.3.4 > 60. And so there is the question that has been bothering me often when asking about other peoples' positions/feelings and I find most adequate here as line 3 contains reference to a two-party chase. Who would Yi most likely be referring to ? Normally it'd be obvious for me who is the pursuer and who is being pursued, but since here I'm asking about another person it gets a bit messed up since both of us are pursing something at the moment and neither of the pursued values needs to represent the other person in my view. What's your take on asking about other people and such relative answers?