I was recently visited by a person with whom I used to have a very troubled but extremely meaningful relationship. With much difficulty, over the past three years we've renewed our conversation (we were completely out of contact for four years prior to that) & lately have been speaking with increased frequency. I hadn't seen him in two years, but this time, for the first time since our original breakup, estrangement seemed genuinely a thing of the past.
After a couple weeks thinking things over I sent an email expressing this perception to him. And added that, while these episodic meetups constitute an acceptable friendship, I would prefer time between meetings be measured in increments shorter than years.
I don't think the problem was with the email itself -- it expressed exactly what I wanted to say, and I have no regret in sending it. But while I assumed it would take awhile for him to respond, as it always does, the note received neither acknowledgement nor answer; which after a week began to make me miserable.
Eventually I sent a text, noting that this "pause" (his term for these characteristic communication gaps) is puzzling me. We had not been in touch at all since he drove off, and I began to wonder whether he'd even received the message, was dead, etc. Perhaps a wiser person would have confined the note to "nice to see you, hope you got home ok" -- that would not be me.
I'll spare the Forum further contretemps but basically, I still don't have a clue what's going on here. He acknowledged receipt of my email & promised a response "soon" but I have known that word in his vocabulary to mean something very different than most. I'm not expecting anything more in the near future, if ever, and am thoroughly tormented by self-doubt regarding my perception of things.
After days of driving myself crazy with the coins & my friends crazy with the telling, I decided to cast one question re: what the outcome of this is going to be with regard to the relationship, with the explicit intent of posting it here for advice. I got 53.1.
I've gotten 26.6 & 13.5 countless times regarding the resolution of this specific communication roundelay, which I only take to mean the "right" thing to happen is going to happen. I don't take it to mean he's actually going to answer, answer in the affirmative, or anything else. So for the purpose of posting I decided to focus on the potential furthering of the relationship itself, vs. the outcome of a communication issue that sounds even dumber to me typing here than it feels.
53.1 seems an equivocally encouraging omen to me, though in application to an affair that has been going off & on for eight years it seems more descriptive than predictive. And I am so infatuated with the hope of it working out that I'm straining for excuses, including the excuse that with this person I am always straining.
I really appreciate any insights & promise in any event to post a follow-up for all the fellow lonelyhearts out there.
After a couple weeks thinking things over I sent an email expressing this perception to him. And added that, while these episodic meetups constitute an acceptable friendship, I would prefer time between meetings be measured in increments shorter than years.
I don't think the problem was with the email itself -- it expressed exactly what I wanted to say, and I have no regret in sending it. But while I assumed it would take awhile for him to respond, as it always does, the note received neither acknowledgement nor answer; which after a week began to make me miserable.
Eventually I sent a text, noting that this "pause" (his term for these characteristic communication gaps) is puzzling me. We had not been in touch at all since he drove off, and I began to wonder whether he'd even received the message, was dead, etc. Perhaps a wiser person would have confined the note to "nice to see you, hope you got home ok" -- that would not be me.
I'll spare the Forum further contretemps but basically, I still don't have a clue what's going on here. He acknowledged receipt of my email & promised a response "soon" but I have known that word in his vocabulary to mean something very different than most. I'm not expecting anything more in the near future, if ever, and am thoroughly tormented by self-doubt regarding my perception of things.
After days of driving myself crazy with the coins & my friends crazy with the telling, I decided to cast one question re: what the outcome of this is going to be with regard to the relationship, with the explicit intent of posting it here for advice. I got 53.1.
I've gotten 26.6 & 13.5 countless times regarding the resolution of this specific communication roundelay, which I only take to mean the "right" thing to happen is going to happen. I don't take it to mean he's actually going to answer, answer in the affirmative, or anything else. So for the purpose of posting I decided to focus on the potential furthering of the relationship itself, vs. the outcome of a communication issue that sounds even dumber to me typing here than it feels.
53.1 seems an equivocally encouraging omen to me, though in application to an affair that has been going off & on for eight years it seems more descriptive than predictive. And I am so infatuated with the hope of it working out that I'm straining for excuses, including the excuse that with this person I am always straining.
I really appreciate any insights & promise in any event to post a follow-up for all the fellow lonelyhearts out there.