I have a friend who keeps repeating this pattern of pulling me in and pushing me away. I know she is in therapy and I know she had a traumatic childhood. When we met I used to admire her because she came across as a survivor, strong, unapologetic, smart and funny. The better I get to know this person the more I see what lies beneath. At first she lifts me up in her admiration, then she gradually projects her own insecurities on me. The first time this happened I was hurt and confused, not knowing what hit me. She disappeared out of my life for a while. Then a few months later she reappears and the whole pattern repeats itself. I am not a psychiatrist but this person seems to have all the trademarks of someone with a borderline personality disorder. I do see my own share in this pattern we both seem to repeat. Since I broke up with my ex last year I am learning some confronting stuff about myself... I seem to attract these kind of people/ relationships and I would really like to move forward in the most nourishing, positive way possible. If it means letting go then that it is what it is.
So I asked Yi
What action do I need to take towards X? Hex 33.2 44
I found this very useful comment from Lise in the shared reading archives about this particular line
33.2: if you want to keep something, then hold on to it, never slacken your grip.
44.2: when you get something, then do not try to annex it.
The two belong together. If you annex, then you do not possess, you make it part of yourself and you lose what it essentially is by itself. And if you cannot hold what you have, then you do not possess it either.
33 has in the first place to do with protecting what is you or yours, in order to stay truly you.
44 with encounters: it will only be a true meeting of two forces if each leaves the other free. As soon as one overpowers the other, it is not a meeting anymore, and it loses its creative potential.
In order to really 'have' something, your own person should not be part of it, no greed, no fear, only then your 'hands' are strong. Like in a really good marriage: both leave the other free to be true to him/herself. Because everything short of this truthfulness lessens the other, and the immediate consequence is, that it also lessens what you have.
Perhaps there is still potential in this friendship, but only if one does not overpower the other. Still, I feel like the best thing to do for now is to retreat. It frustrates me because after retreat there will probably be a reconciliation. And then retreat again. How is that healthy? :confused:
As always, your insights would be much appreciated.
So I asked Yi
What action do I need to take towards X? Hex 33.2 44
I found this very useful comment from Lise in the shared reading archives about this particular line
Quote:
33.2: if you want to keep something, then hold on to it, never slacken your grip.
44.2: when you get something, then do not try to annex it.
The two belong together. If you annex, then you do not possess, you make it part of yourself and you lose what it essentially is by itself. And if you cannot hold what you have, then you do not possess it either.
33 has in the first place to do with protecting what is you or yours, in order to stay truly you.
44 with encounters: it will only be a true meeting of two forces if each leaves the other free. As soon as one overpowers the other, it is not a meeting anymore, and it loses its creative potential.
In order to really 'have' something, your own person should not be part of it, no greed, no fear, only then your 'hands' are strong. Like in a really good marriage: both leave the other free to be true to him/herself. Because everything short of this truthfulness lessens the other, and the immediate consequence is, that it also lessens what you have.
As always, your insights would be much appreciated.